Finding My Purpose In The Divine Light Of Sai
by Chitra Kumar
In 2007, at the World Youth Conference (WYC), Swami lovingly graced me with a vision that still serves me as a benchmark for effective sadhana. While sitting in front of the veranda with an international female Young Adult (YA) bhajan group and awaiting a chance to sing before His Divine presence, I experienced a sensation of the loss of time and space. And when He gazed into my eyes, I saw a blue light.
After coming back from WYC I married a non-Sai devotee, and over the years, due to various pressures, especially those of having children, I found it very hard to enjoy Center activities. No longer able to lead a bhajan, which had always been my trusted way to recharge, I was now being distracted from deeply connecting with Swami by watching my son. The result was a feeling of being unmoored.
After searching other avenues for ways to connect with Him heart-to-heart, I found meditation –a practice I could conveniently do at home without disturbing my sleeping child. I tried different types of meditation over the next several years, and during the Mid-Atlantic Region Sailent retreat, I experienced the blue light seen in Parthi once again. Despite that experience, I found it hard to make meditation a daily practice amid the daily grind of domestic life and being a full-time environmental protection specialist.
Finally in 2019, after a period of frustration and feeling hopeless that I could ever affect any positive change in society, despite dedicating my entire professional life to the cause of environmental advocacy, I had a new insight. A friend encouraged me to learn pranayama (yogic breathing) and Sudarshankriya (meditation) and, while meditating, I had a profound experience – a vision of Lord Krishna and Baba telling me that they were guiding me and opening the channel for direct access to God. From then on, I dedicated myself to the daily spiritual practice of pranayama and meditation and began speaking to Baba with faith that He was present as my continuous companion. That shift in perspective had a positive snowball effect on my life.
Shortly thereafter, I received a call from a Sai Center elder asking me to join a Ladies Day panel presentation. Though I told him I had not been to the center for a while, he insisted that I was the best person for the position. I was being summoned back to Baba and His Organization!
My connection to the Sai community helped sustain me and made me aware of how to be more effective in all aspects of my life. Knowing that the best way to affect the world was to be deeply aware of my own divinity, I doubled down on sadhana and selfless service. The change allowed me to take my career more lightly and dedicate more time to family, friends and community. By sharing love and having an intention to be joyful “no matter what”, I was able to be a lifeline for others as COVID-19 set in, and many friends and colleagues experienced stress and anxiety.
Through this process, I noticed a shift in my family’s attitude towards my dedicating time to spiritual practice. Before, they saw it as taking time away from them, whereas within six months of daily practice, they saw how it made for a happier family dynamic. So much so, in late 2021, when I was called to serve as the USA National Envirocare Coordinator, my husband supported me at every step, even by watching over our children while I traveled.
This role has given me the opportunity to immerse myself in Swami’s teachings on environmental sustainability. Swami said, “It is the sharp decline of values like Love, Compassion, and Forbearance that is directly responsible for the widespread pollution that one sees today.” He reminds us that advocating to reduce the world’s pollution without first dealing with one’s own inner pollution is futile.
How artfully He guided me to surrender to Him, and He took care of everything else!